Whoever told you marriage is easy was lying! It is hard work that requires time, commitment, communication, respect, and love. There will be times that you just want to throw your hands up in the air and walk away from it all. Trust me. We have had our fair share of ups and down. And no doubt will continue to work on the many challenges that may come our way. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage.
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Vang and I met 18 years ago shortly after my divorce. I had moved from California to Minnesota to be closer to my family and was determined to start a new life. A new life that would offer us a future. In no way had I envisioned meeting the man who would later become my husband, a father to my two young impressionable children and having two more.
With all new relationships, it always starts out great. This man came into my life and swept me off my feet and promised to love and take care of me and my two little ones. He had never been married before nor had any kids. We quickly moved in together and thus began our journey.
Many times we had doubt that we were going to make it. What was I thinking that this man would take care of me and my kids? Really, it would be so much easier to be with someone who did not come with “baggage”. Being a divorcee is such a huge stigma in our community. You are looked upon as used good, not being worthy of love, etc….
We got married a couple of years later. We were still learning about each other and us. We were not the best with our communication. (Although I think I was better at it 😉) Trying to balance our new life as a married couple meant more responsibilities not only within our home but with our extended family and community. So many expectations that really tested us.
We are definitely not experts in relationships nor claim to be one. We have learned throughout the years on what has helped us and hope to share with you.
We all show gratitude for the big things that happen in our lives BUT forget to show gratitude for the little things that sometimes go unseen. Thank you for making dinner. Thank you for making sure I have my lunch packed and ready for work. Thank you for taking out the trash. Oh…and thank you for loving me unconditionally!!!
Don’t take on the other’s emotions
Quite often when our emotions are high, it is very easy to get sucked into whatever is going on. Learn to walk away and not take on that emotion. There really is no reason to have two people working on that same emotion.
Compliment each other
Getting ready for an event, I get the “you look beautiful tonight”. However, it’s the compliments when we least expect it that makes it so worthwhile and memorable.
Make time for each other
After years of taking care of the kids and home, we realized that we need to take care of us. We need to make time for each other. Date nights was a thing in the past and we decided to bring it back. Dinner and a movie. Or a weekend getaway. Anything to reconnect and rekindle the romance that started us to begin with.
Be patient with each other
Things may not go the way you expect but we have learned that we have to be patient with each other. Everyone works at their own pace and giving each other the space to work through whatever the process. This has allowed us to learn more about each other.
Trust and Respect
This is huge! Be respectful and trust each other. I don’t need to say more about this.
Life happens and things get to the best of us. But we have these core things that have helped get us through. Marriage is not easy! It is hard work and continuous work!
What are some things you do that has kept your marriage going?
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