Remember when you first met your spouse and how you would go on fun dates
Remember when you would get butterflies whenever the phone rings hoping that it was him/ her on the other line
Remember when you would talk on the phone for hours on end
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Remember when you would stay on the phone just to hear each other breathe not wanting to end the call
Remember when just ended your date and already thinking about when you will meet up again
Remember when you would stop everything just to make time for that phone call or that date
Remember when you did spontaneous things together
Vaguely….. I feel you. Same here. You are probably asking yourself “What happened?”
See Related Post: 8 Simple Date Ideas For Married Couples
Life happened.. Years later, married with kids… How can you possibly take back what once was the center of us? Isn’t that too selfish to want to think of us when us is no longer just you and I? This is why we started this life. Be married and have a family….but while having a family, do you have to lose yourselves?
It took us a long time after having kids to realize what was hurting our relationship. I was too in that situation or of that mindset that when I have a family, there was no “you and me” anymore. Everything you do is for the family.
A few years ago, we decided to bring back date night. Initially, we would have one date night a month. That was a far cry from what it was when we first met. But definitely more than what we have had in the past few years.
What to do on your first date after so many years? What do you talk about? Where do you go? How long should we be away from the kids? What would others think about us seeing/ knowing we left the kids with the babysitter (in our case, our older daughter) Bless her heart ❤️
We left our kids for dinner only to talk about the kids. Awkward… I thought at first. I left the kids to have alone time but we ended up talking about the kids. But I guess that is what parents do when they sit down and talk. That was our common ground: our kids. It felt good to have an actual meal without chasing after the boys.
As we continued in our monthly dates, we have found that we have more to talk about other than kids and bills. We have found “us” prior to us becoming “the kids and us”.
See related post: Who Says Marriage Was Easy?
Here are some benefits that we found in dating each other again
- Alone time means uninterrupted time
- Being able to reconnect
- Communicate better
- Bring back the sparks
- Strengthen our bond
- Helps us de-stress
Having uninterrupted time allowed us to talk about things that we would not otherwise have and really be intentional about it. It reminded us of how we communicated with each other and taught us how to communicate with each other more effectively. It brought back the sparks that have been hiding for so long. Sometimes when I hear the term that the sparks are missing. It is not missing. We just hid it as we had many other priorities to deal with. We felt that being able to spend time together not only helped us strengthened our bond but helped us de-stress.
Life still happens and there are times that we do not get our monthly dates in. Then there are times when we can get more than one date a month in. I believe that being intentional and having the willingness to invest in each other. Because it is a huge investment just like at the beginning stages. It is an ongoing investment that needs the careful attention of the people involved.
Let me know your thoughts on why you should date your spouse.
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Such a great reminder. Life always gets in the way of dating my husband!
This is great as my husband and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage this month. We need to remember why we want to be with each other continuously and going on more frequent is such a silly idea that makes perfect sense!
I agree, you should date your spouse. Honestly, it’s hard to find the time some months/years, lol. When we do find time it’s always so fun to reconnect!
That is the hardest part… Finding the time.
I’m making a renewed commitment to date my spouse! This is a great post! I always get the you used to be romantic comments- and I’m usually stumped on ideas.
Thanks for this!
This is such sound advice especially for young moms because the day to day of mommy and wife can be overwhelming. So dedicating time to reconnect with strengthen the marriage and even the kids benefit when mom and dad are in sync. They need to preach this in church. Great advice!
Having a date night with your spouse is extremely important. just alone time even a lunch coffee shop is great to get away from kids and the house and all the other responsabilities we all have. Great post…
Yes we do alot of coffee shop dates too. Thanks for stopping by!
We’ve been pretty good about having dates over the years. We just know not to make other plans on Friday nights. When the kids were young and we couldn’t afford a sitter one of us would put the kids to bed while the other made a dessert and got a movie ready to go. It was nice when our oldest child could baby sit!! Hang in there young moms!
This is a lovely wee reminder! I think a regular date night does wonders for a realtionship!
We often forget, especially recently, but I’m going to make it a point to get back into the way of it.
Life does have a way of getting in the way but getting back to it is so crucial.
100% agree it is so important to date your spouse! I love this article. We have date nights every Friday!
Thank you for stopping by! Date nights are so important 🙂
Not yet married but it so important to continue to date! The little things count!
Such a great read! I’m not married yet but this is a good way of thinking when I am!
I think this post is so important. I don’t have children yet but I see how it causes dynamics to change in relationships even without children I live with my boyfriend and some time between work and house chores it doesn’t feel like we get us time so now we decided to plan more dates to enjoy eachother
Yes to all of this! My husband and I are amazing at putting each other first. Besides the stress of having kids, we also had a rough pregnancy (many hospitalizations), a preemie with a long nicu visit and a special needs child. It’s been rough but he’s my rock. And I feel like we treat each other like we’re still in the honeymoon period of dating and thats what keeps us going!
Time spent alone together is important. Not only do we married couples need to focus on our relationships, yet there might also things that we need to discuss that are not for our children’s ears. Adult time and couple time is valuable. Plus, why not behave like you are still in love and continue to enjoy those moments through the years?
Great advice and a lovely reminder. My husband and I are going away for 10 days in the fall, without kids and I can’t wait. It will be nice to reconnect and remember why we fell in love.
Have a great time!
Love this! I totally agree that you should find time to continue to date your spouse. After kids it can really take a toll, but finding the time is very important.
So true! Five kids and twenty years later, good to be reminded of this!
“Alone” time or quality time is so important to maintain a close marriage. Thank you for sharing some insights!
We just celebrated 14 years a few days ago – during date night it is true – do not talk only about the kids. We did talk about what to do for our big 15 – travel!!! Talking about past trips also helps remind us of the joy and the two-pack we are BK (before kids!)
Congrats to 14 years and many more to come!
Very true. It helps to be able to discuss what’s going on in each other’s lives. It would definitely help to decrease the chances of misguided/misunderstood frustration at home.
Where does the time go? We are all in that boat. It’s not easy, but the work of family life does include taking time for the two of you. Thanks for sharing.
Ugh. I so wish I had done this when I was married. Now I just remember to cherish the relationships in my life and keep them fresh and new. It’s not always easy but so worth it. What a great post!
I shared this with my hubby, and he’s totally on board with this!
So cool!
I could not agree more about dating your own spouse. It is so important to do for everyone to keep the relationship fresh! Thanks for the article!
Where was this article before my two divorces? We never had date night! But that’s okay … my boyfriend of six years and I do have date night. Great post! Thanks!
I agree, being intentional about spending time together if important no matter what age your children are. You want to stay connected so that when the kids are grown, you still have a strong emotional bond with each other. My husband is still my best friend. Doesn’t mean we always see eye to eye, but I know he is always there for me. So important.
Love, love, love this! Life seems to always get in the way of our date nights. Great reminders why they are so important. Thank you!
I learned this lesson too, after 18 years of marriage and almost losing it all. Now at 27 years married, my husband and I date regularly and are more in love than I think we were even in the beginning. This is excellent, and very important advice. So glad you took the time to share it.
This is so awesome! Thanks for sharing your story as well.
This is completely true. My kids are my world but at the end of the day my husband and I have to be in sync to parent better and support each other.
This is so very important. Anything you put work into, will be so much better.
I have never married, but grew up watching my parents have dates. I was under the guise of grocery shopping, but I know they went out to eat together, nearly every Friday night. Mom would make homemade pizza and us kids would stay home with a babysitter (or just us when we were older) while Mom and Dad went grocery shopping together. They always came home with groceries, but they never ate any of the pizza, so I know they had had dinner out with each other. They had been married 61 years when mom died. My brothers and sisters have all dated through their marriages, too, so I see how effective it is.
Wonderful reminder! 14 years of marriage here, and I still get excited to see his face show up on my phone when he calls. Our communication isn’t as good as it could be, so I like the idea of date nights to be able to just slow down and talk. He just listened to an interview with Kristen Bell that says couples should have some paired goals to work towards together in a relationship. That’d be a great topic to talk about!
This is interesting because my husband and I are empty-nesters and we don’t go on dates as often as I’d like, but I still find that it’s necessary to reconnect – away from the TV, etc. I like to do some things other than go to dinner…like weekly dance lessons!
Ooh! Dance lessons sounds awesome!
I love dating my husband! When the last of our kids gets out on his own (this summer) it will be only the two of us…I am so happy we work on keeping that spark alive!
This “dating” is sooo important for couples!! My husband and I have date nights every week. While raising our family, it seemed we were like two ships passing and not having time for each other. It didn’t take long for us to “instill date nights” and continue that today. Working on a successful marriage never ends – always a work in progress! It is THAT important!
Most definitely! I think this is where so many couples lose each other.
We make it a point to get out once a week and decompress after working long hours. it’s totally important to get out and enjoy each others company, thanks so much for sharing!
I agree with everything you wrote! After 25 years of marriage, I can tell you all of this is so important!
My mom told me when we first had kids that we had to have date nights. And we did and still do. It is so important to keep the couple connection. Great post!
This is something me and my husband really want to start doing! We never really “datet” in the sense we went out and did stuff together, as much of our relationship was online because of living in different countries and deployments. Then along came the kids! We do “at home dates” and absolutely love them! We make a point to put the kids to bed early so we can enjoy the evening together! And when grandparents visit we usually go out or something! We do have to become better at prioritizing it though, so I am thankful for this post and I will pass it on to my husband as well! 😉
What great ideas!! Very important to continue working your relationship.
I love this and agree 100%! It is a must for all couples! My husband and I are leaving in 3 weeks to go away to Sandals in Jamaica!
Have fun!
Lovely! I need to make time for my spouse! Thank you
Dating your spouse is critical to keep the connection alive ~ to have the time and ability to focus on those things that made you fall in love with each other in the first place. To pay attention to the smile, the glimmer in the other’s eyes, the sound of their laugh.